Chapter 1: The Facade of Mental Illness

It is essential to look beyond the surface and recognize the struggles that lie beneath. Often, we must be the ones to pierce through the facade, to engage authentically, and to reassure those suffering that they can let go of their pretense.

Photo credit: iStock

By John Pavlovitz

The tragic loss of Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss, a beloved dancer, actor, and producer, by suicide at just 40 years old, has left many in disbelief. His vibrant exterior masked a deep internal struggle, highlighting a painful truth: the visible joy of a person often bears no relation to their hidden anguish.

William Shakespeare wisely noted that life is akin to a stage, and I can attest to this firsthand. Many of us excel at playing our roles, concealing our pain behind a carefully curated performance. Daily, we deliver outstanding portrayals that go unnoticed by those around us, and we do this not for applause but to shield our vulnerabilities.

Those of us grappling with chronic depression understand that empathy has its limits. As our suffering intensifies, we become acutely aware of how it burdens others. This realization leads us to don our masks.

When we find it difficult to embrace our true selves, we often fear that others will tire of our presence. We begin to interpret their body language, searching for signs of discomfort or impatience. In response, we adopt the persona of someone devoid of despair.

Surprisingly, we don’t need to be entirely convincing; many around us prefer to overlook the truth. They willingly participate in our act, choosing not to acknowledge the flaws in our carefully constructed facades. They favor the performance over the performer.

I urge you to resist this inclination.

I implore you to genuinely see us.

When you inquire about our well-being and receive the standard “I’m fine,” I encourage you to dig deeper. Challenge our replies. Do not allow our best attempts at deception to mislead you.

The term hypocrite originates from the Greek word for “actor.” It initially referred to someone who played a role, donning a literal mask for entertainment. Today, the term carries a more negative connotation, implying deceit. However, our performances stem not from malice but from survival, and they weigh heavily upon us, compounding our existing sadness.

Understand this: we may not summon the courage to drop our act and reveal our true selves. We have long since weighed the consequences of such vulnerability, and it may fall upon you to initiate that revelation.

You must be the one to see past our masks, to enter our reality, to engage us genuinely, and to reassure us that it’s acceptable for life not to be perfect. We need to know that we do not have to be “fine” to maintain your companionship.

Nevertheless, it is crucial to recognize that even the most profound kindness may fall short. ‘tWitch’ was undoubtedly surrounded by people who cared for him, just as many others who face similar battles are. Unfortunately, the act of pretending can become overwhelmingly exhausting.

As weary as we are of our depression, we are equally fatigued by the performance of pretending it does not exist.

We long for the chance to step away from the stage entirely. Illuminate the space and help us find our way out.

Chapter 2: Breaking the Stigma of Mental Health

In our quest for understanding, we can benefit from resources that address mental health openly.

This TEDx talk, "Taking Off the Mask of Bipolar," by Jame Geathers, explores the stigma surrounding mental illness and encourages individuals to embrace their truths.

Furthermore, "Beyond the Mask: Shattering the Stigma of Mental Health" delves deeper into the societal perceptions of mental health issues and offers insight into fostering a supportive community.

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The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.

About John Pavlovitz

John is a father of two, (Noah and Selah), and husband of one (Jennifer); a 17-year ministry veteran, specializing in rabble-rousing, engineering mayhem, and generally trying to live out the red letters of Jesus. He enjoys songwriting, exercising, cooking, hiking, and emotional eating.