Section 1.1: A Series of Life Events

It’s not merely one event that caused this change but rather a collection of experiences.

One significant moment was the passing of my father in 2017. In his final months, I observed him grappling with the same anxieties and resentments from his youth, which prompted me to seek a sense of emotional stability in my own life.

After a tumultuous “relationship” with a married man that pulled me into an unhealthy situation, I realized I needed to undertake considerable self-reflection. By the time I met my current partner, I had embraced being single for several years and reached a point of comfort in my solitude. I was ready for a healthy relationship characterized by personal space and clear communication—free from mind games and jealousy.

I don’t subscribe to the idea of a singular, destined partner for everyone. Instead, I believe that compatibility exists on multiple levels.

Thanks to the pandemic, the daily frustrations of my job were significantly minimized for over a year, allowing me to reassess my goals. Overall, I found myself in a much more favorable emotional state.

Following a friendship that turned toxic, I yearned for the company of someone who would uplift me. Since severing ties with that friend, the individual who has filled that void has brought me nothing but positivity.

Last week, I reached out to my friend for the first time since our fallout, which may signal the possibility of reconciliation. However, I’m resolute in maintaining the level of respect I require from those around me.

As for my current partner, he had recently relocated to a different country, which is how we met. Had he not moved from Bogotá to Buenos Aires, our paths might never have crossed, and even if they had, our connection may not have flourished.

In discussing our dating histories, I recognized how vastly different we were at various stages of our lives. Prior to meeting me, he experienced his own unhealthy relationships, which ultimately led him to seek what I was also after: a relationship founded on trust and mutual respect.

While he has a passionate side, I’ve only witnessed it on the basketball court. He’s ambitious yet incredibly supportive of my creative pursuits, even when they involve stand-up comedy, which often entails being around groups of men. We share similar lifestyles, valuing fresh air, exercise, and enjoying similar social settings.

But I wasn’t always aligned with these interests. Just a few years ago, we might not have been inclined to connect.

Section 1.2: The Changing Nature of Compatibility

Compatibility is a dynamic concept, often dependent on the timing of our lives.

I maintain that there isn’t a singular "The One" for everyone; rather, compatibility varies on numerous fronts.

Some aspects are superficial—initial attraction when you first meet someone, their appearance, voice, and what they express. Then there are lifestyle considerations: do you engage in similar activities, enjoy the same films and music? What are your daily hobbies?

The deeper layer encompasses values—what principles matter to you? For instance, I’m not religious, but I prioritize ecology, animal and human rights, and overall equality. Finding someone who shares these beliefs can be surprisingly challenging.

Finally, there’s the procedural aspect: how do you communicate when disagreements arise? How do you express affection? What are your life ambitions, and are you open to progressing alongside someone else?

Your stances on these matters can change over time. We don’t remain stationary; a person who may not seem compatible now could become the ideal match in the future.

We all undergo changes—altering jobs, moving locations, exploring new interests. Our relationships evolve, but these shifts may not occur simultaneously with our partners.

This reality can be difficult to accept, especially in long-term relationships. When someone you’ve known for years starts spending time with another person, it may feel like they are drifting away. However, it depends on whether both individuals can accommodate personal growth while still nurturing their connection.

About a year ago, I encountered a man who, at a particular moment, shared many of the same levels of compatibility with me.

The challenge ahead will be to grow together. Here’s hoping for the best.