What is Emotional Self-Punishment?

To challenge my former English Literature professors, I turned to Wikipedia, which describes self-flagellation as “the punitive act of whipping oneself or using other instruments to inflict pain.” Historically, this is often linked to religious practices aimed at expressing remorse for one’s sins. The idea is straightforward: if you’ve committed a wrongdoing, you must inflict punishment upon yourself.

In a similar vein, I find myself engaging in emotional self-punishment, a way to articulate the internal torment I inflict for my perceived failings. I once described this to a friend by comparing it to a football player who, after suffering an injury, chooses to hurt themselves further rather than seek help.

It may sound irrational, yet I often engage in this self-destructive behavior, albeit in a mental and emotional sense. I have no intention of engaging in physical self-harm, but the concept of emotional self-punishment resonates deeply.

My Revelation

When my depression becomes particularly overwhelming, I often find myself in a battle against my own thoughts. Just recently, I faced a moment of decision: remain in bed doing nothing or move to the couch and do nothing. I realized I hadn’t had any water all day, and it was already 2 PM.

“Alright, Roxy, just get some water,” I tried to encourage myself.

But then, the voice of depression chimed in, “You don’t deserve water.”

Who invited that negativity to crash my mental party?

These thoughts spiraled, leaving me startled by the realization that I was punishing myself for simply feeling down. I often deny myself basic needs, berate myself for not meeting my goals, and chastise myself for not managing daily challenges.

I perpetually find myself in this cycle of self-sabotage.

Is This Approach Effective?

As I delved deeper into this topic, I discovered that others experience similar feelings, albeit in different ways. Some carry guilt as if they are destined to bear it forever. Others, like me, deprive themselves of essentials. Sadly, some even resort to physical harm.

Regardless of how it manifests, the underlying belief remains the same: we feel we deserve this treatment. However, the harsh truth is that we do not.

You don’t deserve to feel this way. I don’t deserve it either. This cycle is not only destructive but counterproductive. When I tell myself I don’t deserve basic needs, I do not magically spring into action; instead, I remain stuck in a cycle of negativity.

Fostering Self-Compassion

In my research, I often encountered the term "self-compassion," which simply means accepting your imperfections and allowing yourself to forgive. For someone like me, who has a rigid perspective on life, this concept can feel quite foreign.

However, it's essential to recognize that our failures do not define us. For some, this understanding comes easily; for others, it requires conscious effort, such as writing affirmations on mirrors or saying them aloud while brushing teeth.

I’ve realized I need resources beyond my own judgment to help reshape my beliefs about what I deserve. Medium offers a wealth of knowledge, with articles that provide practical advice.

One insightful piece by Jen Vertanen, a Midlife Mentor and Coach, offers a straightforward approach to self-compassion that resonates with my realistic mindset. Her actionable guidance empowers me to embrace self-love. You can find her insights [here](#).

Another article by Anna Holtzman explores the power of affirmations and how to learn from them. While I may not feel ready to engage in daily affirmations, experimenting with them seems worthwhile. Her advice can be explored [here](#).

What Lies Ahead?

If you find yourself caught in a web of self-destructive thoughts, I hope this piece offers some comfort in knowing you’re not alone. The fact that I’ve written about self-compassion multiple times without scoffing indicates I am ready to step out of this exhausting cycle.

Now, it’s time for me to get up and hydrate myself. Thank you for reading! If you found this helpful, check out my collection of articles that discuss various aspects of mental health below:

Mental Health: Exploring topics related to self-love and my journey towards self-acceptance.

Health: Addressing issues of self-love and the path to reaching self-acceptance.

P.S. Join the ranks of those who receive my articles directly in their inbox. Click here to become one of the cool kids! Connect with me on Twitter [here](#) and follow my journey on Instagram [here](#).