The Swing Dance Community

There's a significant amount of discussion within the swing dance community regarding dating. I've encountered opinions from different sources where some women express discomfort with any level of flirting, often leading to warnings or even reports to event organizers. In my city, there's a swing dance meetup with a strict "no dating" policy outlined in their code of conduct. The essence of this rule is clear: "the dance floor is not a place to seek romantic connections." While this specific rule doesn't apply to the venue I frequent, many attendees overlap between the two groups.

I recognize the importance of ensuring women feel comfortable in this space, which makes me hesitant to risk my participation in a hobby I love by inadvertently crossing an unspoken boundary. Consequently, I'm also reluctant to discuss my feelings with mutual acquaintances for fear of being judged.

Should I Pursue This Connection?

This is quite the intriguing dilemma, SK, as it contains various layers to consider.

To address the primary question: should you ask this woman out? Based on your description and understandable concerns, my recommendation would be to hold off for now. Not because of potential repercussions, but simply because it appears that mutual interest is lacking at this moment.

Your concerns about negative outcomes from asking someone out are common and often exaggerated. Many anxieties stem from social media narratives that amplify fears surrounding unwanted advances. While these stories can be compelling, they don't represent the majority of experiences.

It's essential to recognize that despite the prevalence of negative anecdotes, most interactions in social spaces are not fraught with tension. Most relationships, whether platonic or romantic, often begin through shared interests and environments—such as swing dancing.

Assessing Mutual Interest

In your specific situation, it appears that the connection between you and her remains at a casual level. While you've shared moments of conversation and dance, there are no evident signs that she desires a deeper connection. This could evolve with time as you continue interacting, but for now, it might be wise to step back.

Regarding your concern about being blacklisted for expressing interest, it varies by community. While some individuals have grown weary of perceived advances, it's crucial to differentiate between casual socializing and inappropriate behavior.

If you approach the situation with respect and avoid treating the environment as a singles bar, you minimize the risk of crossing boundaries. If genuine chemistry develops between you and another dancer over time, it's likely that expressing interest won't lead to negative consequences.

Building Connections Outside the Dance Floor

To navigate these dynamics smoothly, consider the approach of fostering friendships outside the event. If you find camaraderie with someone, suggesting a casual meet-up on a different platform can provide an opportunity to connect without the pressure of the dance floor.

This way, if mutual interest exists, you can naturally transition to inviting her out without infringing on community guidelines. Importantly, if she declines your invitation, handle the situation with grace—showing that you respect her decision will help maintain