Emotional awareness begins with our interactions with caregivers. Often, their emotional intelligence may not have been optimal. They might have been caring but struggled with communication, or perhaps they were neither great parents nor communicators, leaving us to learn about emotions through less effective sources like Disney—though the portrayal of relationships in those stories has improved over time.

So, what can we do about it?

One option is to seek counseling, as developing emotional intelligence is a significant part of that process. Even public figures like the Obamas have sought counseling, which serves as an inspiring example.

However, even if you are single or not in a romantic relationship, there’s always room for personal growth. We all have challenges to face, regardless of our age, status, or achievements.

One crucial area to focus on is attachment trauma, although this article will concentrate on emotional literacy. I will provide you with a practical tool to help you engage with your emotions more effectively.

Let’s delve into the fundamentals of emotional intelligence (often referred to as EQ by experts).

Emotional intelligence is defined as the capacity to comprehend and manage one’s own emotions, as well as those of others. It encompasses not only awareness but also actions—skills like empathy, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation are included.

Building emotional intelligence and literacy is essential to our humanity because emotions are a fundamental part of our existence. They shape our thoughts, behaviors, and decision-making processes and profoundly influence our relationships, both personal and professional.

Individuals with higher emotional intelligence often find it easier to handle stress, communicate clearly, and build healthy relationships. They adapt better to change and can navigate difficult situations with greater ease.

In professional settings, emotional intelligence is highly regarded for fostering teamwork, resolving conflicts, enhancing customer satisfaction, and improving leadership abilities.

Conversely, those with lower emotional intelligence may struggle to manage their feelings or may project their emotional difficulties onto others, leading to strained relationships.

Now, let’s consider the question: Which gender tends to be more emotional?

The answer is simple: If you’re human, you experience emotions. Gender does not determine emotionality, although certain cultures may encourage different expressions of emotions.

In fact, you are experiencing emotions right now, whether it’s boredom, curiosity, or something in between. Just because you choose to suppress or rationalize your feelings doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It may indicate that you have a complex relationship with your emotions, perhaps even being doubly emotional.

To define emotions, I would say they are the poetry of our experiences.

Why do I describe them as poetic?

Because emotions arise from a blend of various systems—physiological, perceptual, energetic, sensory, interpretive, linguistic, and hormonal. They communicate messages to our consciousness through these interconnected systems.

Emotions can be categorized into two main types: Comfortable and Uncomfortable.

Comfortable Emotions (or Positive Emotions) are felt when our needs are being fulfilled. For example, confidence—a sense of self-assurance and comfort in one’s own skin—represents a comfortable emotion.

Uncomfortable Emotions (or Negative Emotions) emerge when our needs are unmet. Our bodies strive for balance, which means emotions are continually shifting. Maintaining emotional stability can take practice.

For instance, anger is an uncomfortable emotion that drives us to protect ourselves and often surfaces in response to perceived injustices. It can also mask softer feelings like sadness.

You can explore a list of emotions in another article.

We often encounter more unpleasant emotions because happiness alone won’t shield us from life's challenges. Our brains are wired to seek out ways to meet our needs and ensure our safety. Once one need is satisfied, we quickly shift focus to the next, which is why joy isn’t a permanent state.

Protection often takes precedence over connection—though sometimes, connection itself is a form of protection, a topic for future discussion.

Emotions serve as the guards of our internal and external environments.

When we experience emotions, our autonomic nervous system becomes active, neurotransmitters are released, and various physiological changes—such as heart rate and muscle tension—occur.

This activation relates to arousal, which is tied to our senses. Our emotional experiences are intimately connected to our physical sensations.

In the context of the tool I’ll present, I link activation to feelings. If emotions are the narrative, then feelings are the performers.