Chapter 1: An Invitation to Ask

Not-a-Doctor Mark is here to delve into life’s perplexities from the amusing heights of a zipline platform— a snapshot of the author's musings, creatively enhanced in Canva Pro.

Dear Not-a-Doctor Mark is a monthly feature where the non-expert Mark Suroviec, M.Ed., addresses your self-help queries on subjects he might not fully grasp.

Question #1

Dear Not-a-Doctor Mark,

It seems like you haven’t tackled life’s conundrums in a while. Are you doing alright? Your impractical advice and satirical antics are greatly missed.

— Concerned and Faithful Reader

The Response

Thanks for your concern, Mom,

I’ve been quite occupied, primarily functioning as the Vice President of a nonexistent children’s museum.¹

At times, I do feel a bit uninspired. Fortunately, Raine Lore and Patrick Eades have prompted me with questions to “respond” to, so I see a glimmer of creativity ahead. Metaphysically speaking, of course.²

You’re welcome,

— Not-a-Doctor Mark

Question #2

Dear Not-a-Doctor Mark,

What types of questions do you intend to answer?

— Poorly Thought Out Plot Device

The Response

Dear Keeping Things Moving Forward,

Picture a fusion of ChatGPT and the Encyclopedia Britannica; the offspring of this union would be an all-knowing AI, akin to Skynet from the Terminator series. Imagine having access to all knowledge and wisdom throughout history, yet only able to pose a single inquiry.

The secrets of the universe lie at your fingertips, and you ask the creator deity, “Will you pull my finger?”

With near-infinite potential, you would likely leave disappointed. That’s my professional Not-a-Doctor assurance.

You’re welcome,

— Not-a-Doctor Mark

Question #3

Dear Not-a-Doctor Mark,

My frenemies claim I’m slower than a rhinoceros on a carp diet. Can you clarify what you want from the readers?

— Debdutta “Smooth as Butta” Pal

The Response

Dear My New Medium Nemesis,³

I urge readers to submit their questions in the comments section of this article, so I can provide my fake answers in a future column.

Inquire about anything you’ve ever wondered! Here are some examples from Adam Robinson’s search history:

• “After Steve Jobs passed away, how does the internet continue to function? I thought he kept the World Wide Web in his garage.”
• “Can whales and horses breed? Will the offspring be an aqua-centaur or a giant mermaid?”
• “What is an algorithm, and why does it seem to dislike me?”
• “What’s the best way to kick off a fake podcast?”

You’re welcome,

— Not-a-Doctor Mark

Footnotes

¹ Not yet existing— and surprisingly, not a joke. I accepted a three-year role on the Board of Directors for a nonprofit working to establish a hands-on children’s museum in my community. Discover more about the Children’s Museum of Rome.

² Note — Responses may involve antics and foolishness.

³ My apologies to my past nemesis, Philip Ogley, who gracefully defined this role. Deb, you have big shoes to fill!

Check out previous installments in the Not-a-Doctor Mark archives. Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) asserts that it’s beneficial for your blood pressure.

Chapter 2: Exploring Mental Health and Humor

In this chapter, we delve into the intersection of humor and mental health with insightful discussions.

Description: In "Dr Mark Horowitz: Antidepressants - A Critical Appraisal," Dr. Horowitz critically examines the use of antidepressants and their effects, offering a humorous perspective on a serious topic.

Chapter 3: Understanding ADHD and Narcissism

Description: "ADHD and Narcissism: The Hidden Link You NEED To Know!" - Dr. Mark Rackley discusses the surprising connections between ADHD and narcissistic behaviors, blending humor and insight for a captivating exploration.