A Bold Departure

Reflecting on my departure from corporate life, it was quite a spectacle. I resigned with the intention to "plunge into the unknown" (yes, I really said that) and eventually founded a nonprofit alongside a stranger I met online. Having endured a long period of dissatisfaction, I craved a dramatic change. I was eager to embark on my Hero’s journey and wanted the world to witness it.

Into the Depths of Solitude

Looking back, I have no regrets about my path. However, I recognize that I may have made it more challenging for myself by setting such lofty expectations. I envisioned becoming a blend of Buddha, the Most Interesting Man in the World, and Zeus. My goal was to achieve the highest version of myself, which I mistakenly believed meant living without flaws. I thought that eliminating all bad habits would ensure my actions were always self-improving. What I failed to see was how isolating that journey would ultimately be.

The Perils of Perfectionism

Striving for perfection is an unattainable goal for humans. As I pursued this relentless ideal, I began to distance myself from my friends. In short, things turned quite dark and lonely for a time. I now realize that by holding both myself and others to such an unrealistic standard, I was inadvertently pushing people away. My aspiration for an unattainable ideal was isolating, and it’s no surprise that others weren't eager to join me on this unrealistic quest.

Finding a Balanced Aim

I've always grappled with achieving balance. My personality leans toward extremes, making it easier for me to be all-in or all-out rather than seeking moderation. This is why I find Seneca’s advice in Letter V of Letters from a Stoic particularly challenging. He advises:

"One’s life should be a compromise between the ideal and the popular morality. People should admire our way of life but they should at the same time find it understandable."

I was doing quite the opposite. I was uncompromisingly pursuing my ideal existence and critiquing anyone unwilling to accompany me on this journey. In hindsight, it’s clear I adopted a “holier than thou” attitude, which explains my subsequent isolation.

The Wisdom of Seneca

As I read the following excerpt from Letter V, it felt as though Seneca was addressing my missteps directly:

“Let our aim be a way of life not diametrically opposed to, but better than that of the mob. Otherwise, we shall repel and alienate the very people whose reform we desire; we shall make them, moreover, reluctant to imitate us in anything for fear they may have to imitate us in everything.”

I was alienating those around me while inadvertently isolating myself. No one wants to spend time with someone who has renounced fun, love, and relaxation. In my quest to be “not normal,” I had stripped my life of the very elements that make being human enjoyable. The struggle to balance normalcy and uniqueness is one I continue to navigate. I aim to meet the standards I set for myself, irrespective of others' opinions, yet I also desire companionship.

Timeless Lessons

It's astonishing how a philosopher from centuries ago can resonate with my current experiences. From Stoicism to Taoism, the wisdom seems to always emphasize the importance of balance and finding the middle path.

He who stands on tiptoe

doesn’t stand firm.

He who rushes ahead

doesn’t go far.

He who tries to shine

dims his own light.

He who defines himself

can’t know who he really is.

He who has power over others

can’t empower himself.

He who clings to his work

will create nothing that endures.

If you want to accord with the Tao,

just do your job, then let go.

(Verse 24 from the Tao Te Ching)

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