Chapter 1: The Weekend Begins

This narrative unfolds on an unexpectedly tumultuous evening, prompting me to jot down my experiences before my attention shifts elsewhere. With a gig job that demands up to eleven hours of work on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, my time feels increasingly scarce. Writing on those days is simply not feasible.

Thus, my weekends commence on Sunday nights, precisely when most are winding down. The hookup apps go silent, much to my chagrin, yet I find myself awake long into the night, likely engaged in anything but writing.

This morning, I was jolted awake around 9:00 AM by my eccentric neighbor knocking on my door, likely in search of a cigarette. Why can't he just buy his own? His excuse? "If I buy my own, I’ll smoke too many." So, I sell mine for a dollar each—makes perfect sense, right? Today, however, I resisted his requests and returned to sleep.

I finally emerged from my slumber around 10:30, brewed a cup of coffee, and settled into my courtyard with cigarettes and phone in hand. Time to catch up on the latest happenings, particularly in the political sphere.

I began by checking text messages, followed by phone alerts, and then hookup notifications. It's essential to stay updated. After skimming through the headlines, I turned my attention to emails.

Wait—what? My internet is down? Despite the financial strain I’m under, I thought I had that covered. I dashed inside to my desktop, only to confirm my suspicions. Thankfully, Xfinity offers a backup internet service, albeit unsecured.

I attempted to reach a live representative from Xfinity, but it seems they’re a rarity. So, I resorted to using their internet to check my finances. I dub Mondays as "Money Mondays," where I typically tackle my financial issues. If I’m not focused on my own finances, I’m helping my mom, as we're both facing significant monetary challenges. I might need to initiate a GoFundMe for her cremation costs, or perhaps she’ll pull through for another five years, allowing me to save up the necessary funds.

Checks will start bouncing once I realize I’m out of money, so I ventured to the bank, donning the briefest of shorts. It’s going to be a scorcher at 102° today, and it’s already 97° by 11:00 AM. I couldn’t care less if I appeared indecent.

Upon leaving the bank, I realized I had forgotten my car keys, and those skimpy shorts offered no pockets. After retracing my steps in vain, a bank employee emerged, holding my keys. Why didn’t she just inform me sooner? Perhaps she just wanted a peek at my shorts.

Next on the agenda was grocery shopping. Everything was going smoothly until I discovered that my credit cards were maxed out. My debit card was useless too, as my checking account balance sat at a mere $1.21 post-deposit. Thankfully, a cashier offered to hold my cart while I dashed home to retrieve the correct card. An additional half-hour later, I picked up a prescription at Walgreens on my way back.

By the time I returned home, even the sunflowers were wilting in the heat, necessitating a watering session.

Chapter 2: A Series of Unfortunate Events

I then sat at my desk to address an issue with State Farm. A deer collided with my car during a trip to Colorado last week, hitting the driver’s side door. We were eye-to-eye in sheer terror—I couldn’t swerve due to a steep ravine to the right. Honestly, deer are the most foolish creatures. Now, I can barely enter or exit my vehicle; it needs repairs.

Dealing with that ordeal drained me, so I opted for a nap—the best part of my day.

Post-dinner, I intended to tackle the dishes, but the sink was already filled with stagnant, murky water from days of neglect. I drained it and decided to start fresh, though I ultimately didn’t do any dishes.

Back at my desk, I resolved to write! Yet, my financial tasks from "Money Monday" still loomed. I ventured into the living room to retrieve the remaining mail and stumbled upon a pile of unfolded laundry. As I sorted through the towels, I realized that my dark gray hand towel was missing its matching bath towel and washcloth. After some searching, I found it within the stack of towels I hadn’t yet folded.

Additionally, my bathroom sink struggles to drain due to my hair. Growing it out seemed like a good idea, but now I’m spending a fortune on Drano. The lease states they aren't responsible for plumbing issues, and the last time I attempted plumbing repairs, it cost me $12,000 in damages. What choice do I have? I began clearing out items from under the vanity and soon noticed the toilet needed attention. I sprinkled some Comet in and realized I couldn't pee until I scrubbed it first. This is why some men opt to go outside.

Feeling the urge for a cocktail, I finally washed a load of dishes and returned to my bedroom. There, I found a pair of shorts needing a button sewn on. I gathered my sewing supplies, only to realize my tiny scissors were missing!

Oops—cocktail time. Where could they be? I rummaged through my toiletry kit in the living room, which also houses the brightest lamp in the house due to my poor eyesight. Sadly, the lamp wouldn’t turn on. My internet cord was plugged into the same socket, which was also dead. That explained the lack of internet connectivity.

Back at my desk, I searched for the email from the previous day, which stated my internet would be cut off until payment was made. I had seen it but assumed I’d have a few days. It turned out to be from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University. What the heck? Do they now own Xfinity?

Another fake threatening email. I headed to the garage to fetch the longest extension cord available, checking the fuse box first. Eureka! Internet restored!

In summary:

• I need to resolve my State Farm issue.
• I must submit my gig job hours to my manager.
• The sink drain requires fixing.
• The toilet needs scrubbing (this is a priority).
• I need to finish folding the laundry.
• More dishes await cleaning.
• I have to sew a button onto my favorite shorts (which are also quite revealing).
• I should contact the landlord regarding the electrical issue—I'm steering clear of that!
• Lastly, I must organize my desk before I can think straight and write.

Despite all this chaos, I somehow managed to write this piece under pressure. Now, I really need to pee, but the mosquitoes outside are relentless. So, I scrubbed the toilet and, while doing so, spotted the missing scissors among my miscellaneous bathroom items. They should have been in the haircare section—what was I thinking?

Living with ADHD can feel like a relentless rollercoaster. Unless you experience it firsthand, it’s hard to truly grasp the overwhelming nature of it. I strive to manage it, but at the cost of my sleep, which only exacerbates the situation.

It's now 12:40 AM. I plan to sew that button onto my shorts and call it a day—successful or not.

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