Understanding Women's Hesitance Towards Casual Sex
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Some years back, I experienced a moment of realization in a stranger's bathroom during a night out.
It was a fun evening filled with drinks and dancing. I had joined friends, but the music lured me away towards another lively group. One of the guys caught my eye with his charm. After sharing a few cigarettes and drinks, the night flew by and soon it was closing time.
My new acquaintances suggested heading to an afterparty. Caught up in the excitement, I hopped into a cab without a second thought, leaving my friends behind. I felt a flutter of excitement as I mingled with this attractive guy, my mind racing with enticing possibilities.
Once we arrived, drinks flowed, and I found myself in the bathroom, still chuckling at a joke. As I washed my hands, a sudden sober thought hit me:
What are you doing here?
I realized I didn’t know anyone there. I was close to home but unsure of my exact location, and without Google Maps, getting back could be a hassle.
I didn’t feel outright unsafe, but I recognized I might be too inebriated to assess the situation accurately.
Exiting the bathroom, I exchanged polite farewells, and seeing disappointment on the cute guy's face made my heart sink. I decided to leave.
The Absence of Climaxes
If my tale seems devoid of excitement, it likely would have remained so even if I'd stayed. For many women, an ‘anticlimactic’ outcome is often preferable to the risks involved.
From soldiers committing atrocities in Ukraine to online harassment, the world presents numerous dangers for women.
Yet, I frequently hear men lamenting about women’s reluctance towards casual encounters.
This hesitance is often blamed on lower sexual desire or supposed biological exchanges of monogamy for parental support. While not all women seek casual sex, there are crucial factors frequently overlooked in cultural discussions.
One well-known study from 1989 illustrated this:
> "An attractive undergraduate approached a solitary male student at Florida State University and asked, 'Hi, I’ve noticed you around and find you attractive. Would you sleep with me tonight?'"
Predictably, around 75% of young men responded affirmatively.
However, not a single woman said yes.
Does walking away from a charming stranger imply disinterest in casual sex? Perhaps.
Or maybe women weigh the likelihood of safety against the chances of genuine satisfaction — and find the odds disheartening.
It’s unsurprising that women seldom reach orgasm during first-time casual encounters. In a recent article on "The Orgasm Gap," sex expert Demeter Delune noted a tweet from Dr. Laurie Mintz, author of Becoming Cliterate:
> “When masturbating, 95% of women orgasm. In first-time hookups with other women, they orgasm 64% of the time. In first-time hookups with men, they orgasm 7% of the time.”
This data suggests the issue isn’t women’s ability to experience pleasure; rather, it's our cultural understanding of heterosexual interactions.
Seven percent. Other sources report an even bleaker statistic of 4%.
Mintz references a peer-reviewed study