What Research Reveals

I discovered a study asserting, “Repeatedly telling ourselves the same lies makes them feel real. Believing these falsehoods can influence our emotional state, often referred to as illusory truth.”

This led me to the realization that we unconsciously tell numerous lies to ourselves and others without fully grasping their implications. I pondered, “If pretending to be fine can improve my mood, could the same apply to negative falsehoods?” This thought was unsettling, as a lie is still a lie.

Later, I stumbled upon research by Dr. David R. Hamilton, demonstrating that our brains struggle to distinguish between reality and imagination. When we embrace falsehoods, they begin to feel true because our brains process experiences through emotions. Observing myself and others, it became clear that we have conditioned our minds to accept lies as truth, leading to a cycle where some of these deceptions manifest as reality.

A significant portion of our mental anguish and life challenges originates from these self-deceptions. Here are a few examples.

“I Am Busy”

When someone approaches us with a request, our instinctual response often is, “I am busy.” However, the reality is that we are rarely busy; it’s more about priorities. Internally, we may feel that the requester is not important enough to warrant our attention, so we deflect with this lie.

For instance, if a child asks to go on an outing and you have no prior commitments but don’t feel like going, you might decline with a lie. Yet, if a work-related dinner invitation arises, you may feel obligated to attend, signaling a shift in priorities based on your perception of professional versus personal importance.

For some, we maintain busyness, while for others, we remain unoccupied. This lie has become so entrenched that our brains continuously buzz with thoughts, often trivial ones, leading to mental exhaustion.

As a result, we struggle to accomplish even minor tasks within a set timeframe. This lie has become so ingrained that we constantly seek distractions like our phones, which only serve to heighten our fatigue.

What to Do Instead:

Given that this deception is deeply embedded in our psyche, it’s essential to address it at a mental level. When tempted to say, “I am busy,” we should pause and ask ourselves, “Am I truly busy? Do I need to reevaluate my routines or habits?”

Henry David Thoreau aptly captured this sentiment: “It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?” By reflecting on this inquiry, we can realign our priorities and ensure we are progressing in the right direction, gradually dispelling this lie from our minds.

“I Don’t Know What I Should Do”

Each person possesses unique abilities and characteristics. Some excel in speed, while others in agility. Yet, we often fail to recognize our strengths or, when we do, hesitate to act on them due to fear of repercussions.

Additionally, we can fall victim to the “comparison trap,” worrying about others’ perceptions, which leads us to seek external validation. Warren Buffet once wisely stated, “Risk comes from not knowing what you’re doing.” He is entirely correct; a life devoid of risk lacks excitement and color.

While the notion of a struggle-free existence may sound appealing, using this falsehood weakens our resolve. The more we rely on it, the less empowered we become, fostering dependency on others and evading personal responsibility.

What to Do Instead:

We must acknowledge that “life is just an experiment,” and learning often comes through mistakes. Neglecting this principle or becoming “too complacent to take risks” leads us to perpetuate this lie.

Stop fixating on others’ judgments; your life is yours to live. You bear full responsibility for your actions, even if they align with others’ expectations.

Whenever I feel uncertain, I consult my list of strengths and achievements. This practice reinforces my belief in myself and empowers me to take the initiative in my life. Make it your mantra to avoid this lie, as each time you utter it, you weaken your capacity for creativity and joy.

Steve Jobs expressed a profound truth in his interviews: “Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition; they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

When you feel compelled to use this lie, look inward and affirm your value by pursuing your own desires rather than relying on external approval.

“I Cannot Live Without X”

This is a common lie we all tell repeatedly throughout the day:

• On my first date, I proclaimed, “Oh my darling, I love you so much that I can’t live without you.”
• Yet, after our first disagreement, I exclaimed, “You’ve been so annoying since day one that I don’t even want to see your face.”

What shifts between the initial affection and the subsequent frustration? Such statements wire our brains to become dependent on others.

It’s evident that two independent individuals often become reliant on each other after falling in love. While some dependency can be healthy, excessive reliance can diminish the joys of a relationship. I’ve observed that many partners become so entwined that they struggle to manage their daily tasks independently.

In childhood, we relied on our parents, later replacing that dependency with teachers, friends, and jobs. Now, this lie has extended to our reliance on technology and social media, as well as food: “I can’t live without my phone. I can’t survive without my morning coffee. I can’t live without Instagram, TikTok, etc.”

We’ve become so mentally fragile that even a brief period without checking notifications feels unbearable.

What to Do Instead:

First, cease using this expression. No one or nothing is with us for eternity. Embracing this truth can empower us to choose our words wisely rather than resorting to flattering untruths.

Moreover, if we fail to learn how to live independently from someone or something, time will inevitably teach us that lesson. Remember, the only essentials for survival are air, water, and food; everything else is supplementary.

Final Thoughts

We’ve been taught through literature and film that lies can be harmless, provided they aren’t self-serving. Yet, what of the repeated deceptions that engrave deep grooves in our brains and influence our emotions?

Lies are not inherently detrimental unless they begin to inflict harm upon ourselves or others; such instances signal a need for change.

To paraphrase a famous quote, “If you tell a big enough lie and repeat it often enough, it will be accepted as truth.”

Thus, we must exercise caution in our words, as they may shape our perceptions and realities.

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