Chapter 1: A Day in the Life

Each morning begins the same way; I awaken naturally, without the jarring sound of an alarm. My body feels tight and sore, while my mind races with the tasks awaiting me. My phone, always within reach, buzzes with a slew of notifications—clients, appointments, colleagues, reminders, and family matters. I remind myself that I can tackle these after my tea, but first...

I discover that someone neglected to transfer the laundry to the dryer. I promptly initiate a re-wash cycle, desperate to avoid that familiar “musty” odor that I've repeatedly complained about. As I move toward the kitchen, I notice that one of our cats has left a messy surprise on the hallway rug. I rush to the linen closet, where I often rearrange items, only to find the cleaning solution buried beneath an old box of Borax. When was the last time we even touched that?

With the mess cleaned and the laundry running, I expect to finally enjoy my morning cup of tea. But to my dismay, I find the dishwasher hasn't been loaded from the night before. My eyes land on the digital message board on the fridge, where in my exhausted state last night, I had written a clear note: “Please bring dishes to the dishwasher AND start it.” I see a small pile of dishes in the sink, just a few inches from the idle dishwasher. I roll my eyes as I load the dishes, catching a glimpse of my tea mug before I hit the ‘Start’ button. Instead, I grab a glass of water.

Next, I sit down to read an article I’ve been looking forward to, but I’m interrupted by my partner waking up. I quickly weigh whether to help with breakfast, knowing that if I don’t, the kitchen will remain in disarray for the rest of the day. Ultimately, I give in and head back to the kitchen, employing the 3–2–1-Go Method. This strategy effectively prompts my brain into action, just like training a muscle.

This is the routine I face daily. As the designated “Head of Household” (according to tax records), I increasingly feel the weight of impending burnout. I’m a woman with no children, yet I juggle an active social life, a demanding career, volunteer roles, and a household to manage. Burnout is a topic that remains largely unaddressed.

The strain of running a household has garnered much-needed attention lately, as it significantly affects individuals and families. The symptoms are clear: excessive stress, overwhelming exhaustion, a lack of self-care, and constantly prioritizing others’ needs over my own. My responsibilities often leave me feeling overwhelmed, as I manage everything alone.

The roots of Head of Household burnout can be traced back to traditional gender roles and societal expectations. Historically, the burden of household management—cooking, cleaning, and financial responsibilities—has often fallen on one person, typically the woman. Although my partner is willing to pay for some help, I feel it’s an unnecessary expense given our current financial climate. He equates his contribution to a certain monetary value, while I disagree. We maintain separate finances for this reason; I can’t justify paying for tasks I can handle.

This unequal division of labor breeds stress and fatigue, as I struggle to manage multiple responsibilities without sufficient support. Noteworthy figures like Dr. Richard Boyatzis, a psychologist who studies emotional intelligence and leadership, are working to understand and combat this issue. His research emphasizes the importance of emotional competencies in preventing burnout and enhancing well-being among those in leadership roles, including Heads of Households.

The repercussions of Head of Household burnout are significant, impacting not just the individuals affected, but also their families, communities, and workplaces. Symptoms can range from fatigue and insomnia to anxiety and irritability, all of which hinder effective household management, leading to dysfunction and strained relationships. Economically, my productivity at work continues to diminish, prompting daydreams of taking sick leave or quitting due to burnout.

Are there solutions on the horizon? I’ve learned from experts like Dr. Christina Maslach, a psychologist renowned for her work on occupational burnout, and Sheryl Sandberg, the former COO of Facebook, who have both contributed to addressing Head of Household burnout. Sandberg’s book, Lean In, tackles issues of gender equality and work-life balance, advocating for a fair division of labor within households and promoting women’s leadership. Her efforts have heightened awareness of the burdens posed by traditional gender roles.

The growing acknowledgment of Head of Household burnout has spurred a focus on work-life balance and mental health. Organizations are beginning to introduce policies that help employees balance their work and home responsibilities. More individuals are sharing their burnout experiences and seeking help. Nonetheless, the persistence of traditional gender roles and the stigma surrounding mental health issues can still deter individuals from reaching out for support.

In summary, Head of Household burnout is a complex and widespread issue with profound implications for individuals, families, and society at large. I see it reflected in every neglected chore, overdue bill, and unfulfilled expectation from those around me. I hope we can foster a deeper understanding of this issue and work toward effective solutions. It’s crucial to continue raising awareness and advocating for necessary change. We need sustainable support for individuals managing household responsibilities to thrive, rather than merely survive.

This first video explores the causes of burnout, particularly in work and home environments, providing insights into how it manifests and how to recognize it.

The second video shares strategies for managers and individuals alike to achieve workplace balance, emphasizing well-being and effective stress management.

Natali is the founder of MySoulrenity and a life coach who lives an eclectic yet purposeful life on the East Coast. She co-hosts the weekly comedy wellness podcast Stoned N’ Social.