Identify Your True Desires

Understanding what you genuinely want can be incredibly challenging. Many people are disconnected from their true selves and unaware of their own aspirations. Their identities may be buried under layers of societal expectations and peer pressure, making it tough to access their authentic feelings.

As a life and relationships coach, I often encounter the same pivotal question during sessions: "What do you want?"

You’d be astonished by how many individuals struggle to articulate their true desires.

For instance, someone might say, “I want to build a family with a good partner,” yet they spend their time in unhealthy relationships. This is a classic example of being out of touch with one’s own needs. When your actions contradict your statements, trust your actions—they reveal your true intentions. In this case, the person is subconsciously trying to prove their worth to emotionally unavailable partners, a pursuit destined for failure.

Similarly, I often express a desire for a fit body, yet I never allocate time for exercise—not even a few squats. My actions clearly speak louder than my words. While a fit physique would be appealing, I find greater joy in lounging and writing all day. That’s my genuine desire, regardless of what I might tell myself.

This leads us to the next crucial point.

Assess Your Willingness to Invest

Everything comes with a cost, even poor choices.

If you are prepared to pay the price to look good—through hard workouts, enduring discomfort, and adjusting your diet—you will reap the benefits of a toned body.

Conversely, if you’re unwilling to pay that price, you’ll still face consequences, like gaining weight and struggling with physical exertion.

You will always pay; the distinction lies in when you make the payment. It’s akin to using a credit card. If you spend your days indulging on the couch, you receive instant gratification but pay for it later with health issues.

The immediate reward may feel pleasurable, but the long-term price could be detrimental. Alternatively, if you commit to rigorous exercise and a strict diet, you pay upfront, often waiting weeks or months to see the desired results.

The cost of indulgence is immediate; the reward of discipline comes later.

This highlights the importance of knowing what you truly want. The investment can be significant, often made before you see any outcomes.

Once you’ve made your decision, it’s time to take action—but proceed cautiously.

Start with Small Steps

This is where many of us unintentionally sabotage our chances of achieving our dreams.

We want immediate results. Or better yet, results from yesterday. So we attempt everything at once.

We dive into an overwhelming routine from day one—300 squats? Absolutely! A diet consisting solely of air-fried veggies? Count me in!

But one week later, you find yourself back on the couch, snacking on your dashed hopes.

The lesson here is to take it slow! Gradually transition from being a lethargic couch potato to a more active version of yourself. It may seem trivial, but it’s a significant change for you.

A couch potato spends the entire weekend immobile, while a more active version still manages to stay hydrated and do minimal movement.

Instead of starting with 300 squats just because a fitness influencer did it, begin with 10 squats daily. Progress to 20 the following week.

Read one page today, then two next week.

Publish two articles weekly, then increase to three the week after.

You understand the concept.

I know you desire rapid results, but that’s often the slowest route to success.

Burnout, overwhelm, and the need for comfort will creep in, leading you to give up.

Cultivate resilience first, then push yourself. If you leap in without preparation, you will falter. It’s perfectly fine to be at the beginning of your journey; progress happens one day at a time.

However, the journey isn’t always linear; sometimes you must leap forward or sideways. How do you determine which action to take?

Use this simple guiding question:

Does This Move Me Closer to My Goals?

Initially, it may be annoying and time-consuming, but soon it will become second nature, and you’ll instinctively know the answer.

Imagine: it’s Friday night, and you’ve had a tough week, sticking to your healthy meals. Your cravings scream for pizza.

Now’s the time to ask, “Does this pizza align with my weight loss goals?”

Response: “Hahahahha! Nope!”

Cravings often complicate matters: “But if I never indulge, I’ll struggle to stick to my plan!”

Question: “Fair enough. But is tonight when you designated your cheat meal?”

Answer: “Nope! That’s Saturday night, so pizza would contradict your goals.”

The answer is clear: save the pizza for tomorrow night. Tonight, perhaps you can enjoy some time with your cat.

This method proves beneficial if you’ve identified your true desires and committed to pursuing them.

Yet, there’s a lurking adversary that can derail your progress: addiction.

Break Free from Addiction

I cannot stress enough how crucial it is to eliminate addiction for transforming your life.

Addiction is a universal foe that negatively impacts all of us.

You could be addicted to anything—food, substances, relationships, gaming, or even social media conflict.

Anything that offers an escape, relief, or pleasure.

However, indulging in another vice won’t alleviate your life’s pain; instead, it deepens your despair. The initial high may feel incredible, but subsequent attempts will never match it. You’re chasing an elusive high that will always remain out of reach.

When you devour that second cupcake, you receive little pleasure from it. The joy lies in the anticipation of indulging, not the act itself.

You may find yourself in a frenzy, consuming it without truly experiencing any satisfaction.

Yet, there’s something you can grasp to ensure you have no choice but to pursue the life you truly desire.

Embrace the Fear

Remember the show ‘Friends’? Rachel desperately wants to work in fashion, and Joey advises her that it won’t happen unless she leaves her current job. He tells her to “get the fear.” What does that mean?

The fear is about confronting your reality.

It’s about quitting your stable job when you have no backup plan and committing to your dreams.

The fear can either propel you to success or drive you back to your mundane existence.

It’s a raw, survival instinct that kicks in when you’ve been wandering in the desert, thirsty and desperate.

The fear compels you to chase your dreams as if your life depends on it—because it does. A fulfilling life hinges on pursuing what your soul truly desires.

I wouldn’t recommend this approach for the faint-hearted or for most individuals. Rather, consider it as a last resort after exhausting all other options and succeeding in each.

Fear stands between your current self and your highest potential.

Your best self is merely one fear away.

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