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Superhero Limitations: Exploring the Quirky Side of Powers

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Chapter 1: The Rise of Superhero Culture

Superhero narratives have gained immense popularity in today's culture, but they were once considered the realm of enthusiasts and outcasts. I was one of those early fans, drawn to stories that were not widely accepted during my childhood. It's intriguing to consider whether this trend is consistent across generations. Did my father face the same label for enjoying classic rock music? He was certainly an admirer of "The Lord of the Rings." And what about his father—was he deemed a nerd for understanding the principles of electricity or for indulging in the golden age of science fiction? Most likely, yes.

One aspect of superhero tales that often perplexes me is the seemingly endless escalation of their abilities. Characters tend to become more powerful over time, with advanced suits and enhanced skills. Superman epitomizes this phenomenon. Initially, he was merely stronger than an average human and impervious to bullets. Now, he’s portrayed as an all-powerful deity capable of time travel and lifting entire islands, which borders on absurdity.

A humorous take on superhero powers

Chapter 2: Introducing Greg: The Everyman Hero

Meet Greg, a new kind of superhero with a singular ability: he can fly. That's his sole power. How does it function? Greg possesses the ability to propel his own body and anything he carries in any direction at any acceleration—without feeling the force himself. However, anything he holds, from clothing to fellow passengers, will experience the effects of acceleration. For instance, if Greg takes someone along while he ascends vertically, he essentially needs to lift double their weight due to gravitational pull.

His speed isn't capped, but acceleration is a factor. At 1G, he can reach 22 mph (30 kph) in a second or 66 mph (105 kph) in three seconds. To achieve sound speed at sea level, it would take about 34 seconds. Unfortunately, Greg isn't immune to cold or wind, nor does he have extraordinary reflexes. His maximum speed hovers around 40 mph (70 kph), but in emergencies, he could push it to 100 mph (160 kph) for brief bursts. He can manage a small backpack and clothing, but even with that speed, he must dress appropriately to combat the chill.

While flying sounds impressive, it doesn't lend itself to many heroic scenarios. In reality, flying would be of limited use; even firefighters in urban areas might only capitalize on such abilities a handful of times each month. Real-life disasters are not as frequent as one might think.

However, delivering pizzas straight to people's balconies could be a lucrative gig for Greg. Alternatively, he could transport urgent packages or work as a photographer, capturing unique angles without the need for elaborate equipment. Perhaps the best job for him would be at SpaceX or another progressive space agency. With his abilities, Greg could effortlessly resupply the International Space Station (ISS) without expending fuel. By donning a spacesuit and packing supplies, including perhaps a pizza, he could ascend along a suitable trajectory.

Video Description: Discover the quirkiest superpowers that would never make it to the big screen!

Greg could reach the ISS in roughly 15 minutes, factoring in atmospheric ascent and speed matching. He’s fit enough to carry 50 kilograms on each journey, charging $3,000 per kilogram—similar to SpaceX's Falcon 9 rates. Although with the Falcon Heavy's lower costs, he might need to adjust his pricing strategy. Nevertheless, earning around $75,000 for an hour's work is impressive, far surpassing the earnings of a window washer.

Chapter 3: Beyond Earth: Greg's Galactic Adventures

But wait, Greg can do more! Why stop at Low Earth Orbit? He can venture to the Moon! He could accelerate throughout the journey and back. The Apollo Lunar Module weighed 15,000 kg, predominantly due to fuel and outdated technology. However, by simplifying the design, he could create a two-person lunar module weighing only 2,000 kg.

Though Greg can't lift that weight into the atmosphere, he can exert force on the module while lying down, making it manageable in space. With a force of 200 kg exerted while lying down, the module could accelerate at 0.1G, allowing for a 15-hour lunar journey. Landing would be challenging but feasible, as the lunar lander weighs 330 kg—uncomfortable but survivable.

Space travel intrigues Greg, and his lunar trip could net him $2 million, saving the government substantial expenses. Designing a larger spacecraft would enable him to explore further, as he can exert a maximum thrust of 200 kg for eight hours daily. However, pushing a massive structure like the ISS would yield minimal movement, which is quite disappointing.

He could, however, embark on solo journeys. If he has a lightweight spaceship weighing 200 kg and maintains 1G acceleration for extended periods, he could reach the Moon in just three hours. Venus and Mars would take about a day and a half, while Pluto is within reach in approximately 20 days—if he doesn’t require sleep.

Greg's ambitions don’t stop there. He could theoretically reach Proxima Centauri in three years, experiencing relativistic effects as he approaches light speed. While time would slow down for him, it would stretch for observers on Earth. He could even reach Andromeda in 12 years, though the mass increase from acceleration could complicate matters.

Ultimately, every destination in the universe becomes accessible within a dozen years of travel under these conditions. However, Greg would need to manage food supplies and contend with the risks of space travel, such as micrometeorites and radiation exposure.

In summary, while Greg's abilities offer amusing possibilities, they also highlight the limitations and practicalities of superhero powers. If you enjoyed this whimsical exploration, consider subscribing to Medium for more insights from writers both better and worse than me.

Video Description: Dive into the world of the worst superpowers ever conceived!

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