The concept of marriage is ancient, with roots extending beyond documented history. It has woven itself into societal norms, leading to a collective expectation that everyone should marry.

Remarkably, most individuals conform to this norm, tying the knot at some point in their lives. However, marriage is a complex endeavor, requiring skills in dating, adherence to numerous customs, and adjustment to the intricate demands of married life, laden with responsibilities. Given these challenges, it's surprising that many young, unmarried individuals anticipate marriage with the same excitement as landing a coveted job.

The fascination with marriage would be wholly understandable if its benefits were universally acknowledged. Yet, the reality is more intricate. Everyone entering marriage is aware—either through experience or word of mouth—that it can be a challenge. This acknowledgment doesn’t imply that successful marriages are rare; in fact, many thrive, and you may know a few.

Despite the difficulties, some fortunate or insightful young individuals manage to find partners with whom they can navigate marriage satisfactorily. However, my concern lies with the growing number of people who, despite having doubts about their compatibility or the institution itself, still choose to marry. They often declare, "I want my marriage to succeed," fully aware of the high divorce rates and the often painful narratives surrounding failed unions, including those of their own families or friends.

Statistics indicate that approximately half of first marriages culminate in divorce, with even higher rates for subsequent marriages. Yet, many intelligent individuals cling to the hope that their marriage will defy these odds—an act of hope against reality.

For those preparing for marriage, pre-marital counseling is readily available, with guidance offered by religious and secular institutions alike. However, the unspoken truth remains: marriage is fundamentally flawed. What begins as a joyous romance can deteriorate into a disheartening and destructive alliance—transitioning from a love story to a contentious agreement.

This decline can be traced back to the fact that marriage, as an institution, was not designed for the complexities of modern life. The notion of marriage as an unbreakable commitment to romantic engagement is outdated.

The first documented marriage dates back to 2350 B.C., a time when societal needs were vastly different. In those days, marriage served practical purposes like forging alliances and economic stability, rather than the pursuit of lifelong companionship or personal fulfillment. Today, the burden of modern expectations contributes to the strain on marriages, as they struggle to meet the demands placed upon them.

In ancient communities, where social ties were stronger, marriage fulfilled different emotional and social needs. Individuals relied not solely on a nuclear family for intimacy and belonging; instead, wider communities provided essential support. In contrast, modern, individualistic societies often leave individuals feeling isolated, fostering loneliness. As a result, many turn to marriage as a means of recreating the community support they lack.

Compounding this issue is our relentless pursuit of unattainable ideals in relationships. Couples often desire perfection, expecting complete honesty and dedication. However, the pressure for total transparency can, ironically, lead to vulnerability and erode the relationship over time.

As partners spend extensive time together, the initial romance may give way to resentment, disillusionment, and doubts about compatibility. This raises the alarming question: "Is this person truly the right partner?" Such thoughts often herald the end of a marriage.

Given the evident shifts in the purpose of marriage, why do we cling to outdated models? We perpetuate these ideas through education and counseling, where lessons often emphasize emotional sentimentality under the guise of objectivity. Couples receive advice on maintaining lifelong unions, while those who fail are stigmatized, as society deems the institution of marriage infallible.

Consequently, generations have been raised to accept the existing marriage framework without question, leaving little room for alternative solutions. Our legal structures still reflect antiquated views on marriage, rooted in a dysfunctional understanding.

Why then do people continue to marry?

The prevalence of marriage can be attributed to a culture obsessed with romance and sexuality, which exerts pressure—both explicit and implicit—on young individuals to conform. Various societal facets, including media and education, propagate and exploit romantic tension. Young people are often guided to delay marriage until adulthood while simultaneously being conditioned to fill emotional voids through dating, leading them to expect romantic relationships to culminate in marriage.

This societal conditioning paves the way for a seamless transition from dating to marriage. Adolescents, feeling disillusioned with authority and societal norms, often view marriage as a refuge from their frustrations, leading them down the aisle despite the high likelihood of failure, buoyed by the belief that "My marriage will be different."

Can your marriage truly be different?

Attempting to swim against the current is inherently challenging. Couples who enter marriage with the hope of defying the odds frequently find themselves facing separation, divorce, or enduring a joyless union fraught with conflict—often for the sake of children or societal expectations.

How can we amend the institution of marriage?

Addressing the inherent flaws in marriage is no simple task. As this flawed system has been entrenched in society for generations, immediate solutions remain elusive. While some brave individuals seek innovative alternatives, most continue to endure the disappointments associated with marriage as an inescapable fate.

Over time, the efforts of those willing to challenge the status quo may initiate societal shifts. Even in traditionally conservative cultures, trends like premarital sex and higher divorce rates indicate changing attitudes towards marriage. The move away from the expectation of lifelong monogamy towards serial polygamy reflects a growing recognition of the institution's absurdity.

Why should we maintain the pretense that marriages, often fleeting, must be lifelong commitments? Why do we still utter archaic vows that bind couples to an unbreakable contract?

Perhaps a more adaptable approach would be to reframe marriage as a renewable contract with options for extension. This could offer two key benefits:

1. Couples who feel they can no longer sustain their relationship would have the choice not to renew their marriage.
2. This framework would alleviate the pressure to maintain a marriage at all costs.

By allowing couples to opt-out of renewal without facing societal shame, they could seek new romantic opportunities free from judgment—akin to an unemployed person seeking their next job. This trend is already emerging; whether we formally redefine marriage to align with contemporary culture remains to be seen.

Some may argue that multiple short-term marriages could harm children. However, the truth is that children often suffer most when their parents endure contentious divorces. By shifting to flexible, renewable marriages, families could avoid the turmoil of messy separations, benefiting everyone involved.

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