Navigating the Battle Between Expectations and Desires
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Chapter 1: The Heart vs. The Mind
It can be quite difficult to truly listen to and trust my own heart. This internal struggle represents the conflict between what I believe I “should” do and what I genuinely “want” to do. It can be incredibly frustrating.
Brain vs. Heart = Expectations vs. Desires
For instance, I might think I “should” attend a social gathering, while deep down, I would prefer to stay home and enjoy my own company. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve forced myself to go out, only to arrive feeling unfulfilled, sharing a fleeting laugh or two, and returning home regretting that I didn’t choose to honor my own wishes.
This internal conflict can manifest in larger life choices too. For example, the pressure to pursue a college degree for a career that doesn’t resonate with me—just because my parents believe it will provide security—can overshadow my true aspirations of becoming a chef, artist, or writer. The Should vs. Want dilemma can turn into a daily battle, both in minor choices and in pivotal life decisions.
Reflecting on past experiences often makes it clear that following my wants—my heart’s desires—would have led to far better outcomes. I’ve spent much of my life feeling paralyzed by the overwhelming pressure of making the “right” choice in various situations.
I was raised with the belief that what I wanted didn’t hold significance, which led me to lose touch with my own desires. The quest to please others left me questioning: What “should” I do in this situation?
This mindset has created a life devoid of trust in my own judgment, leaving me unaware of my genuine wants and driven by an arbitrary notion of “should.” Trust me when I say, living this way is neither enjoyable nor liberating. The “shoulds” stem from my intellect, while the “wants” originate from my heart, and embracing the latter is essential.
Wants emanate from love, joy, emotions, desires, inspiration, and most importantly, intuition. I had long neglected to trust myself because I was disconnected from my feelings and wants, which ultimately stifled my intuition.
Over time, I discovered that acknowledging my wants is not only acceptable but also far more fulfilling than any “should” that crossed my mind. Our brains often struggle to differentiate between beneficial choices and unhelpful ones, resulting in confusion. This confusion mirrors the disconnect between what we think we should do and what truly brings us joy.
Never justify your happiness; it’s your birthright. You deserve happiness simply because you exist. Give yourself permission to love yourself deeply and passionately, as this foundation is crucial for personal growth.
The Key to Happiness: Living from the Heart
This is what ultimately matters, and it’s all we truly retain in life. To break free from the confines of societal expectations, enhance your self-awareness. Examine familiar family patterns and identify signs of dissatisfaction.
Embrace your true feelings without fear. Though confronting these emotions may feel overwhelming, they cannot harm you—such feelings are natural and will eventually fade away. Acknowledge and honor your feelings; this process will help clear away any emotional clutter, similar to airing out a neglected storage space.
By consistently practicing this approach, you can establish new, empowering habits that align with your highest self.
#### Steps to Self-Love:
- Choose to follow your heart.
- Identify emotional signs and symptoms.
- Resist the urge to suppress any feelings.
- Allow yourself to experience emotions without judgment.
- Nurture your needs.
- Trust yourself and your journey.
- Prioritize self-love above all else; everything else will align naturally.
Let go of past, disempowering thoughts and habits, and create new, empowering affirmations to transform your life. You have nothing to lose—continuing to live by “should” only leads to regret. The past is proof that this approach is ineffective.
To embrace change is to open yourself up to new, unexpected possibilities. After all, repeating the same actions while expecting different outcomes is the definition of insanity.
Take a leap of faith. Remember, life is finite, so there’s truly nothing to lose when it comes to living authentically from your heart!
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Niki Marinis is your quirky confidante, offering valuable insights on relationships and dating. Follow her amusing escapades and pop culture musings on Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to her newsletter for more.
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Chapter 2: Embracing Your Inner Self
The first video, "I'm Torn Between Single Life & Love. What Should I Do?" discusses the challenges of navigating romantic choices and how to find clarity in your feelings.
The second video, "You're Doing It Wrong — Advice for Getting Un-Stuck," offers practical guidance for breaking free from stagnation and embracing change.