Chapter 1: The Weight of Grief

On a quiet Friday morning at 5:07 am, I find myself gazing at my journal, filled with unintelligible words. I feel a deep connection to my wounds, reflecting on the lessons they bring. Where am I in this moment? Recently, a wave of emotions has washed over me. A few years prior, I was healing from a suicide attempt and a divorce, seeking to understand who I am. Then came the pandemic, prompting me to leave my job to write a book, which was released before I even had time to savor the freshly printed pages.

Now, as I witness my father's slow decline, I am compelled to ponder my identity. Much like a snake that sheds its skin to grow, I am becoming more receptive to my surroundings, as life nudges me toward vulnerability.

In his book, The Way of The Superior Man, David Deida suggests that a man must love his father while breaking free from his expectations and judgments to attain true freedom. The only path for me to escape those expectations is to traverse the roads ahead with curiosity and compassion. There i