Chapter 1: The Reality of Aging and Health

Adulting can sometimes feel like a challenge, especially when it comes to managing health. As my father wisely puts it, "Aging may not be enjoyable, but it’s certainly better than the alternative."

Earlier this month, I attended my routine physical examination. Thankfully, I had no pressing health concerns, making the visit quick and straightforward. Huzzah!

As I prepared to leave, my doctor reviewed her final checklist.

✅ "Would you prefer a colonoscopy or a home stool test?"

Okay, that wasn't her exact wording. What she meant was, "They’ve updated the guidelines for colon cancer screening to begin at age 45. 🎉 Would you rather have a traditional colonoscopy or try a Cologuard kit?"

Her inquiry didn’t catch me entirely off guard. My sister, who is three years my senior, has been navigating the ups and downs of middle age and providing me with updates like a modern-day Lewis and Clark exploring perimenopause.

I've also become aware that colorectal cancer rates are increasing among younger individuals. A close friend of mine, younger than I, is currently undergoing chemotherapy to fight this disease.

According to the American Cancer Society, in 2019, 20% of colorectal cancer cases were diagnosed in individuals aged 54 or younger, a significant increase from 11% in 1995.

While researchers are still investigating the reasons behind this rise, they suspect it could stem from a mix of factors including sedentary lifestyles, poor dietary choices, alcohol use, smoking, a history of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), and exposure to environmental toxins.

Although a genetic link hasn’t been pinpointed, the increase in cases among younger adults is undeniable. Therefore, regardless of your age, if you notice any alarming changes in your bowel habits, don’t hesitate to consult a doctor.

The sooner you address any concerns, the better:

💩 Blood in your stool (Don’t just assume it’s hemorrhoids!)

💩 Unusual stool (If it appears black, thin, or ribbon-like, speak to your doctor!)

💩 Persistent diarrhea or constipation (especially lasting over two weeks)

💩 Unexplained fatigue or tiredness (particularly if accompanied by changes in bowel habits)

Cancer is a disease I loathe.

Who wouldn’t?

It has taken so much from my loved ones — their health, vitality, time, and happiness. In my darkest hours, it has even stolen cherished individuals from my life.

While medical professionals are making strides in cancer treatment, prevention and early detection remain our most effective defenses.

Thus, I faced a decision: colonoscopy or the home stool test.

My doctor outlined the pros and cons.

Colonoscopy

Pros —

✅ Anesthesia makes the procedure painless.

✅ People rave about waking up from anesthesia feeling refreshed.

✅ It’s the benchmark for early detection.

✅ Results can last up to ten years (depending on individual circumstances).

Cons —

😣 The preparation can be quite uncomfortable. (I’ve undergone a colon prep before; it’s no picnic.)

😣 You may need to take a day off for the procedure.

On to Cologuard

Pros —

✅ Quick and easy to use.

✅ Noninvasive and painless.

✅ Results can last for up to three years.

✅ Convenient, as you can do it at home.

✅ No tedious prep required.

Cons —

😣 If the test indicates any issues, a colonoscopy will be necessary anyway.

😣 Three years is less than ten years (which means more frequent testing).

😣 The instructions are extensive — 27 pages! (As someone with ADHD, that was quite overwhelming.)

😣 You must collect a stool sample using a testing stick (which may be off-putting for the squeamish).

😣 Not all insurance plans cover it.

So, what did I decide?

Drumroll, please…

I opted for the stool kit.

The package includes a bucket and bracket system that you attach to the toilet. It was as straightforward as advertised, but I still had to mentally prepare myself for it (see: TWENTY-SEVEN PAGES OF INSTRUCTIONS).

For almost two weeks, the box sat on my bathroom counter. I could almost hear my husband thinking, "Just use it already!"

Even the testing company inundated me with encouraging messages. “Come on! Just do it!”

After poring over the instructions, watching an instructional video, and contemplating the box for an hour, the actual process was rather anticlimactic.

Honestly, the most challenging part was navigating traffic to drop the box off at UPS.

I carried it in a canvas bag to avoid drawing attention, as Cologuard prominently displays its branding on the box. While the young UPS workers likely had no clue what it contained, an older woman in line behind me gave me a knowing nod.

You can arrange for UPS to pick it up from your home, but I was already out running errands.

Now, I await the results, hoping for a clean bill of health. If anything concerning turns up, I’d prefer to know sooner rather than later.

If you're 45 or older, I encourage you to get screened. Next time, I might lean toward a colonoscopy — not due to a negative experience with Cologuard, but simply because of the longer interval between screenings.

Here’s an amusing, NSFW SNL parody commercial for Cologuard:

Disclaimer: I am not a healthcare professional, nor am I endorsing Cologuard or any other colon cancer screening tool. Always consult with your healthcare provider and advocate for your health needs!

If you want to support my friend Liz, who is bravely fighting colon cancer, consider purchasing her captivating books on Amazon. (Content warning: she specializes in steamy paranormal romance with plenty of romantic escapades.)

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Thank you for reading! © 2024 Karen Akins

Chapter 2: Screening Choices and Personal Experiences

The first video, "How to Poop Better and Faster," offers insightful tips for improving bowel health and efficiency.

The second video, "Exercises That Will Make You Instantly Poo," discusses exercises that can help stimulate bowel movements and promote digestive health.