When I Reflect on School

I have fond memories of my school days. As a child, I was captivated by the excitement of learning. The autumn leaves swirling outside the classroom in September filled me with joy. The colorful array of pencils, crayons, and phonics books sparked my imagination. I cherished my Charlie Brown lunchbox and the delightful moments of opening it at lunchtime in the cafeteria. Spaghetti days and pizza Fridays were highlights, as were the not-so-soft pretzels we eagerly anticipated at recess, wrapped in those iconic red plaid bags.

My enthusiasm for school continued through junior high, where I navigated the social dynamics of dances and the thrill of the playground. High school brought a new adventure: the constant movement between classrooms and the bustling hallways filled with students. I loved the camaraderie during lunch, the familiar sounds and scents of the different spaces, and the unique charm of every school bathroom.

The thrill of learning remained with me throughout my education. I embraced college wholeheartedly, so much so that I chose to pursue teaching as a lifelong career. The thought of sharing knowledge and inspiring students filled me with excitement. I relished the chance to create engaging activities and bond with my fellow educators.

Yet, over time, my passion for teaching began to wane.

The Shift in Perspective

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it changed; it was more of a gradual realization. While there were sudden events that shook my enthusiasm, the underlying shift had been happening for a while. My desire for a fulfilling teaching experience clashed with the evolving educational landscape.

What once felt like a harmonious connection between my aspirations and the system's demands began to diverge. The joy of teaching, which I once cherished, transformed into a rigid, metrics-driven environment. I found myself longing for the deep discussions and meaningful connections that had characterized my experience as a student. The increasing emphasis on standardized testing and technology left me feeling disconnected from the very essence of teaching that had once inspired me.

It's important to clarify that many educators and institutions still uphold high standards. However, as I witnessed the changes in the educational system, I felt I no longer belonged to it.

The Search for Authenticity

What truly matters is staying true to oneself. Understanding your identity and seeking clarity about your path is essential. I struggled with this when I found myself questioning my feelings towards a profession I once adored.

How does one fall out of love with their calling? Life changes, and so do people. My commitment to education felt like an obligation rather than a passion. I clung to the belief that I should remain in this role, convinced that it was my destined path.

The philosopher Emerson speaks about this in "Self-Reliance." He warns against the dangers of foolish consistency, emphasizing the importance of being true to one’s evolving nature. He encourages us to express our current thoughts honestly, even if they conflict with previous beliefs. Recognizing that our nature has shifted is a vital part of personal growth.

In conclusion, I loved school with all my heart. I immersed myself in learning and teaching until that love faded. When it no longer resonated with me, I knew it was time to move on. Much like Thoreau's departure from Walden Woods, I realized I had more lives to live and couldn't waste time clinging to what no longer served me.