Chapter 1: A Child's Perspective on Love

Tears often fall from my eyes whenever I witness my mother in distress.

Photo by Adrian "Rosco" Stef on Unsplash

As a child, I often heard my father’s violent outbursts directed at my mother. The sound of her screams echoed painfully through our home, accompanied by the crashing of dishes and the slamming of doors. In moments of despair, I would fantasize about confronting him, envisioning a world where he faced the consequences of his actions.

Nights were spent in tears as I listened to her sobs, unsure of when I finally drifted into sleep. Yet, with the dawn came a façade; my mother would rise early to prepare his breakfast, carefully hiding her wounds and donning a forced smile. She acted as if everything was perfectly fine.

"Is this what love truly is?" I often wondered.

To soothe her own heart, she would repeatedly tell herself:

"He will change. He may hit me daily, but he loves me. Your father has a good side; he will see reason. I must have provoked him. I’m praying for his betterment. Where would I go if I left? How could I provide for five children as a trader? I can't be the first in our family to divorce. Who would care for my parents if I left? What would my Pastor think? He says divorcing is a sin."

Her own happiness seemed to be an afterthought.

Like my mother, many women endure silent suffering, holding onto toxic relationships, telling themselves:

"Because he buys me flowers, I cannot leave him, even if he threatens me during our fights. Who will look after the kids? How do I start anew? What woman would welcome a stepson?"

It’s disheartening.

If I were in her position, I would choose solitude over the agony of love that endangers my life.

I am serious.

It is imperative to make it clear to those who cannot hear: love should never be synonymous with pain. Love is not an explosion of emotions that leaves you broken. True love is rooted in understanding that perfection is unattainable. It is about mutual respect and empathy.

I hope that life brings kindness to those experiencing love’s trials and to those searching for genuine affection.

Chapter 2: The Illusion of Love

In Kendrick Lamar's song "Count Me Out," he explores themes of resilience and self-worth. The lyrics reflect the struggle of recognizing one's value in the face of adversity.

The official audio of "Count Me Out" by Kendrick Lamar delves deeper into the emotional impact of toxic relationships, urging listeners to find strength in their self-identity.